When It Becomes More Than Aesthetics

I’ll let you in on a little secret… this is my fourth attempt at running a health and wellbeing blog.

Each time I’d start one I’d think to myself ‘I’m in such a good place to preach and empower people on how to look after themselves’.

Ha!

In order to appear perfect for the internet (which is quite lolz when you think about it) I find that I am robotic because I have nothing to talk about. Because I’m not being myself.

I can’t preach (nor do I want to) because I’m in a place where I’ve borderline let myself go. I’m in no way at my heaviest but my muscle tone is non existent, my self esteem is on the floor and I’ve just been informed that I have new stretch marks. Recently my anxiety has been running rife and I’ve been having dreams that Tim keeps cheating on me. Ahh the female brain eh?!

I haven’t felt this rubbish about myself in years and it’s seriously not okay. I know it’s of my choosing. No one is forcing me to not exercise or to eat the cookie. There is seriously nothing to gain from this except misery and only I can change that.

I have decided to sign up to WW (aka Weightwatchers). I have signed up to their green plan as it makes sense to me and means I can eat what I want (obviously within their points system).

It’s not just about the food though. My posture has got so bad that I feel like I’m caving in on myself. My muscles are in agony and my husband said they feel like ‘rope’ because they’re so unhappy.

Finally I want to belong to something. I want to be in a position to make new friends.. if only it’s just online. Due to my aforementioned fake self, it’s hard to establish common ground when you’re not being yourself. Well that’s changing from now!

In the grand scheme of things this isn’t rock bottom, but in my little preventative health bubble I’ve hit the ground. The only thing I can do now is run.

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