When It Becomes More Than Aesthetics

I’ll let you in on a little secret… this is my fourth attempt at running a health and wellbeing blog.

Each time I’d start one I’d think to myself ‘I’m in such a good place to preach and empower people on how to look after themselves’.

Ha!

In order to appear perfect for the internet (which is quite lolz when you think about it) I find that I am robotic because I have nothing to talk about. Because I’m not being myself.

I can’t preach (nor do I want to) because I’m in a place where I’ve borderline let myself go. I’m in no way at my heaviest but my muscle tone is non existent, my self esteem is on the floor and I’ve just been informed that I have new stretch marks. Recently my anxiety has been running rife and I’ve been having dreams that Tim keeps cheating on me. Ahh the female brain eh?!

I haven’t felt this rubbish about myself in years and it’s seriously not okay. I know it’s of my choosing. No one is forcing me to not exercise or to eat the cookie. There is seriously nothing to gain from this except misery and only I can change that.

I have decided to sign up to WW (aka Weightwatchers). I have signed up to their green plan as it makes sense to me and means I can eat what I want (obviously within their points system).

It’s not just about the food though. My posture has got so bad that I feel like I’m caving in on myself. My muscles are in agony and my husband said they feel like ‘rope’ because they’re so unhappy.

Finally I want to belong to something. I want to be in a position to make new friends.. if only it’s just online. Due to my aforementioned fake self, it’s hard to establish common ground when you’re not being yourself. Well that’s changing from now!

In the grand scheme of things this isn’t rock bottom, but in my little preventative health bubble I’ve hit the ground. The only thing I can do now is run.

I Should Be Grateful to Have A Relationship with Food

One of my greatest bug bears of this year has been the response (good and bad) to diet culture.

I may not be ending 2019 where I intended to be (a different country to start with!) but I have been on a significant journey of self discovery.

I always intended to have a steady relationship with food and a balanced approach to nutrition, but not for one second did I think I’d end up in a such a funky mindset with food.

It is my fault to a certain extent by being persuaded by some uneducated plonkers on the internet, but I also blame the lack of gratitude the western world has for food.

It is so easy to forget that in some parts of the world they do not have access to food and clean water. Meanwhile we are too busy worrying about having too small a bum and not a flat enough stomach and taking this out on our relationship with the contents of our shopping trolley.

Now I’m not talking about people with eating disorders… that’s a whole different kettle of fish. But I’m talking about the influencers telling us to ditch one type of food and instead spend our money on something else that is fashionable at that very moment in time. Especially when it is driven by their financial gain. Cue #cyonidegate

Yesterday I complied fully with my no snacking/sit at the table rules and for something so simple it was so empowering. I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted but it must fall within breakfast, lunch and dinner. If I was too full I could have whatever I’d wanted at the next meal.

It felt like such a grounded day with food. I did not overeat, I felt in control and I felt grateful that I had a fridge full of food to choose from.

I appreciate its only one day but the experience was so much more rewarding that seeing a number drop on the scales. My mind has become so consumed with the thought of foods (and my bank balance has become so empty signing up to every dieting plan there is) that it was nice to have a break.

Today I took the plunge and didn’t weigh out my breakfast. Scary stuff!

I appreciate it might sound a bit whacky to be ‘grateful’, but being introduced to daily gratitude was a life changing thing for me. At the time I was unemployed, looking at returning to live with my parents and it was putting a huge strain on my relationships. Being able to focus on the good in my life at the point stopped me from going under and 12 months later we are back on track.

I won’t let diet culture and social media influence me anymore. I am not against weight loss – I’m on a mission to shave a few inches off myself. But nor will I succumb to the games of diet culture and/or anti diet culture.

So there we have it! I’ll get off my soap box now!

Mindful Eating – Take a Seat

The only thing I have to achieve today is to eat everything at the dinner table. That’s it.

As I am riddled with disease today and have somewhat lost my appetite, I thought it might be a good idea to introduce a new behaviour to my eating routine.

The only thing I have to achieve today is to eat everything at the dinner table. That’s it.

Photo by fauxels on Pexels.com

PS That’s what my dinner looks like every night. I wish!

You see the thing is I only eat at the table once a day at a push. I tend to have my breakfast in the car, lunch at work, snacks in the car, dinner at the table (and even that can be hit and miss) and then more snacks whilst sitting on the sofa.

This does mean I will have to start getting up earlier to have breakfast at the table, have lunch at a table at work and forgo any snacking on the way home.

This seems such a simple yet effective way of making me focus on my food and make eating more of a conscious effort.

Now one could argue this is just implementing more rules around food, and yes it is. But instead of focusing instead of what’s on my plate I’m focusing on what I’m doing instead. My current way of eating isn’t working for me and it’s negatively impacting on my relationship with food. Surely, encouraging me to sit at the table to eat is a much more healthy approach than eliminating food groups or limiting my calories?

In the meantime I’m off to dose up on ibupofen and a wheat bag for my neck.